Anyone Can Find Themselves in an Abusive Relationship

9.23.09

What I am about to write is based upon weekly notes and journals and summarized here. It will sound angry, it may give you the impression I'm angry (which is indeed true) but it could possibly help some person out there who has suffered a similar situation. It is about abuse in a relationship. But it is not the kind of abuse you read in the newspapers or psychologist magazines. It is the subtle form of abuse that sneaks up on you over a period of time. It is so subtle in fact that by the time you finally awaken and see some of the light, and let me clarify this...see some of the light means you still are learning how you got into this dark hole, this incidious disease and have yet to see the entire light. For some of us it may take a lifetime to understand.

It starts with a relationship with someone you love and in return you think they love you. But as time goes by the emotional abuse starts creeping in. Many times the abuser is an alcoholic and lives in a fog infested world and can not see his or her own abusive nature. Other times they see it but are in such denial that they'll create any kind of excuse for their behavior. Typically this starts with blaming the one closes to them for the abusers lack of self control. He or she can not manage stress in a relationship or any conflicts and suffers unrealistic ideals about what relationships are about. So in subtle ways they twist the problem towards their mate. It can as simple disagreement regarding how a friend acts towards one or the other. Rather than deal with the disagreement maturely the abuser will quickly summise the other doesn't like the friend and will end the discussion. He or she will use this disagreement in the future over and over as a control mechanism rather than discuss what the actual events took place.

To be continued later.